So I am back here in the eastern part of Europe to try to finish everything up to bring Lucy home as soon as possible. I took off from home without my partner in crime on Wed evening and flew the same flight that Dena and I flew coming over the first time, British Airways. On a side note, I have never flown BA before we started on this journey and have been so very impressed with their service and their accomodations. They are really a top notch airline compared to the airlines in the states these days.
I landed on Thursday at 3pm, had a few hiccups getting connected back up with the team over here, but managed to sync up and had the pleasure of meeting Eugene for the first time. He gave me a lift over to an apt in the city, not far from where we first stayed. It was on the 15th floor of a old, dingy looking building on the main street. For those of you that have been over here before, you will understand the strange appearance of the buildings from the outside and even in the hallways inside. But also will understand that the inside of the apartments are very nice and always clean. The view from the 15th floor was incredible though and the 12 hours I spent there was nice. I was able to grab a nice pizza at a place that Dena and I were turned on to by the Golden family and met a nice young woman from the US that was working there for 2 months, she was sitting next to me in the place. We talked for a little while, I told her about our journey and she told me a bit about her summer internship for a law firm there. I wished her a good night after finishing up my pizza and away I went to the apt for some much needed shut eye. It had been about 30 hours since I last slept. So I hit the pillow and was out till the alarm rang at 515am ready for Nico to pick me up and head to the little town where Lucy's orphanage is.
Nico and I spent the better part of the entire day on the road going from this little town to a much larger regional town and then back in order to sort out Lucy's new birth certificate. The two towns were two hours apart. So we went from big city to small city, two hours. Then small city to regional city, another two hours, then back to small city, another two hours. At least 6 hours driving yesterday and a number of hours in between waiting for paperwork and agencies to help us.
Sprinkled into all of this driving were a few nice fun moments yesterday. The first one was when we arrived in the small city, we were able to stop at the orphanage for about 15 min. I bribed Nico to let me see Lucy for 10 min and it was great. I was so very scared and anxious in coming back here by myself that Lucy would forget me and we would need to start at square one together. I prayed so hard about this and asked so many others for prayer on this as well. God provided! As soon as she saw me, she seemed to remember me and after a few well placed kisses on her neck and cheeks and also some bouncing around she started to laugh and giggle. It was such a blessing and a definite answered prayer!
After that though, the fun parts were a bit more goofy and random to say the least. After we waited around for a couple of hours to start the birth cert process in the regional city, Nice and I decided to have a quick bite to eat at a local restaurant. We talked in and it was a dream room for my Dad. Heads of animals everywhere! I guess it was called the Hunters Restaurant. Good name, it had stuffed animals and heads of animals from every continent. Deer, Moose, Tiger skin, rabbits, bear etc... They even had a few nice fish mounted, one that looked to be a Northern Pike, about 15 pounder by the looks of it. It was just a random place to find this restaurant, but they had a cold tall beer for me and actually had a very nice meal to go along with it. All for something like $10. Can't beat the prices here.
As we were at the restaurant, we were talking about many things. We were talking about how Nico often times spends the night in the office of the team because it is too far to drive home. We were talking about what he had eaten that morning and he started to tell me that he had picked up some "bush legs" the night before and had one that morning as left overs. I said, what are "bush legs". Not sure if this is just him or not, but he went on to tell me that people in the country are now refering to chicken wings or legs as "bush legs" because some years ago now, when George Bush came into office, this country started buying alot of chicken from the US so now they say they are going to have a bush leg instead of a chicken leg for dinner. Like I said, random!
As we finished up the paperwork and headed home, we had some choice encounters with the animal life in this country. As many that have been here will understand, people tend to have a number of animals and livestock that roam their land grazing and feeding. You will drive by a whole row of houses and see cows out front of the house near the road or goats or chickens or ducks just out making a day of it. Most of the time the large animals are tied to a stake in the ground and the owner will come and move the stake during the day to let them graze more. But this day a cow was on the loose. We were driving about 120 kmh (74 mph) down this road and started to slow down as we saw some stopping tail lights ahead. As we approached we noticed that people were swerving and stopping to avoide something and then we saw him, just a nice big old cow stopped dead in the middle of this major road. Cars were trying to avoid him but he was not going anywhere and I looked at Nico like, What In the World and all he could do was laugh. As we were driving by him finally, we saw people on the other side of the street that were still stuck with him yelling and screaming and trying to do everyhting to get him going. He wasnt having it though. A big ol cow stopping traffic. What a trip.
But he was not the only one stopping traffic that day. About 20 min later, we again were stopped briefly by a flock of ducks that had taken up residence for a short while on the road. And not wild ducks like mallards but domesticated ducks that are used to cars and traffic and no well and good that no one would be running them over. So they just stood their ground, no matter how many times Nico honked the horn, they were going to eat what they came to eat. They finished eating and looked up at us with what looked like a smirk and waddled off. Nico gave them a good verbal dressing down and we were on our way again.
We crashed finally at the hotel that Dena and I stayed at for 12 days. We arrived about 8pm, exhausted and ready to hit the hay. I emailed for a bit, tried calling Dena and after no luck with her, I crashed.
Long day, but definite memories were created today.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
WRAP IT UP!
Well it's time to wrap up this adoption! Rob will be leaving tomorrow (Wednesday) at 5:00 pm for the "U" to finish up the process and bring her home. Please pray for him for safe and EASY travels. Rob is such a trooper. I love him for being such a 'hands-on' daddy. Nothing like throwing himself head first into becoming a father to a toddler he barely knows...alone. I am praying that Lucy is good to him while they are together and traveling...LOL! She seems like a delightful child and if she is anything like Ragen was when she was 2 1/2, there should be no problems. Thanks you for your prayers! xoxoxo
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Sad But True- By Rob
Just wanted to write today to talk about two things that are the unfortunate, sad but true parts of being a part of the adoption process here in the eastern part of Europe. There have been many rewarding, incredible, happy, loving and overwhelmingly joyful days in this part of the world for us, but the last few days we have also seen the ugly side which makes us incredibly sad.
For the better part of the last 10 days that we have been in this smallish city, 50,000 people, we have had a great taxi driver that takes us to and from our hotel to the orphanage every day. He picks us up at 845 to go to the orphanage, then picks us up at 11 at the orphanage to go to the hotel and then back to the orphanage at 345 and back to the hotel at 6. For this work, we pay him a nice wage and a wage that would make any taxi driver in this city extremely happy for the actual level of work that they engage in by driving us 10 min one way. Our taxi driver for 8 days was like most people that we have observed here, always frowning, unhappy looking, never says hello, depressed and seemingly angry at all around him. He looked like he is about 60 years old or so and been around the taxi business a while. But like I said, he was always on time and even stopped more than once to wait for us at the grocery store or a pizza place. And we paid him nicely for his promptness as we appreciated his diligence.
Then Sunday came along and everything changed in an instant. On Sunday late in teh afternoon when he came to pick us up at the orphanage, we were walking by him to bring her back to her group and for the first time, he saw her directly. He knew that we were comign to visit a child, but had no idea that she had Down Syndrome, or as they call it here, she was an Invalid. Seemingly all was normal as we jumped in his little toyota car and off we went to the pizza place to have an evening meal. We normally do not eat out and eat groceries from the store, but that night we wanted a little more substantial meal. We had agreed for him to pick us back up an hour later and as that time approached we made sure we got up and headed outside to meet him. We waited and waited and 20 min went by and no driver. We finally headed back to the other taxi area and took a random car back to the hotel but were perplexed by our drivers absence. Then the next morning rolled around and he again did not show up for our normal 845 pick up and we thought something was wrong. We were going to be late so we called another driver to bring us and as we were driving by the downtown area where the taxis sit, there was our driver, sitting waiting for a fare.
To make a long story short, with the money he was being paid, the ease of the job he was doing, the certain fare he was getting four times a day and the mysterious missed pickups on Sunday, we concluded that after he saw Lucy had Down Syndrome, he didn't want anything to do with us. See the older generation here does not see those that are disabled as a joy to love and behold as they would any other child. No, here, children with disabilities are treated with contempt and shame and espeically by the older generation of people. We have even heard that most of the older generation believes that they will be cursed by God by coming into contact with people that have disabilities. Or that Americans are coming to this place to adopt children with disabilities because they are going to harvest them for body parts and organs. I know that it sounds unthinkable and absolutely medieval in thinking, but we have now experienced this sad and unfortunate belief system up front and in person. We of course can not officially confirm it, but all the logic points to the sad reality of this older mans warped view of the world.
The second sad reality that we have come across just today was not our own, but the story we heard from another american couple we just met today for dinner. We just learned of their arrival from another couple we know in town and so we set up a dinner tonight, pizza again, so we could meet and talk. Nice to see another native English speaking couple for a few mintues. Anyway, we were listening to their story about adopting a typical 5 year old little girl from the ophanage in town. Apparently all has been going well with getting to know this little girl that seemingly has not been able to find a family that she likes. See, here in this country, apparently they trust the children to decide if they want to go with the adoptive parents or not. They trust 4 and 5 year olds to know what is in their best interest for some reason. Most 4-5 year olds can barely figure out if they want orange juice or apply juice let along make a life altering decision about where and who they will spend the rest of their life with.
Anyway, this little girl had been getting to know this couple and all had been going very well. Then today, they went to see her and at one point in the visit the little girl starting crying very hard and was just breaking down in front of them. Luckily, they had their facilitator there to help translate with teh little girl and ask her what was wrong. Here is where it gets unbelievable. The little girl was crying because she really liked the couple, but one of the nannies had told her some horrible things about the couple and that she should not take them as her parents because they are not good people. The reasons why this nanny would do such a thing to a little girl that needs a home are just unthinkable, but according to the local facilitator for this couple there are a number of nannies that do things like this because they don't want the kids to leave. Because if too many of the kids leave, then they will be out of work and not be able to have their job.
Again, I know that this stuff just seems unthinkable and could only be a sick script in a movie, but we are seeing this stuff first and second hand here and it is scary at best and incredibly disturbing at worst. It makes us both so sad to see children being discriminated against and hurt by adults that are so ignorant and selfish. These kids deserve so much more than they are getting and I can only hope and pray that as we all tell these stories and help people see the realities that exist in teh world, that we will slowly start to break down the barriers and walls that lock people in ignorant mentaliites like these.
I would just ask that you say a simple prayer for people here tonight. Not a prayer of judgement but a prayer of grace that God would keep bringing people to this place to open minds and hearts. That God would radically bless those facilitiators that work here to protect their work as they open minds and hearts. And a prayer of hope that God would continue to impress on the hearts and minds of his followers the needs of the widows and the orphans. Not just in our own backyards, but in the places where the least of these are truly the least of these!
For the better part of the last 10 days that we have been in this smallish city, 50,000 people, we have had a great taxi driver that takes us to and from our hotel to the orphanage every day. He picks us up at 845 to go to the orphanage, then picks us up at 11 at the orphanage to go to the hotel and then back to the orphanage at 345 and back to the hotel at 6. For this work, we pay him a nice wage and a wage that would make any taxi driver in this city extremely happy for the actual level of work that they engage in by driving us 10 min one way. Our taxi driver for 8 days was like most people that we have observed here, always frowning, unhappy looking, never says hello, depressed and seemingly angry at all around him. He looked like he is about 60 years old or so and been around the taxi business a while. But like I said, he was always on time and even stopped more than once to wait for us at the grocery store or a pizza place. And we paid him nicely for his promptness as we appreciated his diligence.
Then Sunday came along and everything changed in an instant. On Sunday late in teh afternoon when he came to pick us up at the orphanage, we were walking by him to bring her back to her group and for the first time, he saw her directly. He knew that we were comign to visit a child, but had no idea that she had Down Syndrome, or as they call it here, she was an Invalid. Seemingly all was normal as we jumped in his little toyota car and off we went to the pizza place to have an evening meal. We normally do not eat out and eat groceries from the store, but that night we wanted a little more substantial meal. We had agreed for him to pick us back up an hour later and as that time approached we made sure we got up and headed outside to meet him. We waited and waited and 20 min went by and no driver. We finally headed back to the other taxi area and took a random car back to the hotel but were perplexed by our drivers absence. Then the next morning rolled around and he again did not show up for our normal 845 pick up and we thought something was wrong. We were going to be late so we called another driver to bring us and as we were driving by the downtown area where the taxis sit, there was our driver, sitting waiting for a fare.
To make a long story short, with the money he was being paid, the ease of the job he was doing, the certain fare he was getting four times a day and the mysterious missed pickups on Sunday, we concluded that after he saw Lucy had Down Syndrome, he didn't want anything to do with us. See the older generation here does not see those that are disabled as a joy to love and behold as they would any other child. No, here, children with disabilities are treated with contempt and shame and espeically by the older generation of people. We have even heard that most of the older generation believes that they will be cursed by God by coming into contact with people that have disabilities. Or that Americans are coming to this place to adopt children with disabilities because they are going to harvest them for body parts and organs. I know that it sounds unthinkable and absolutely medieval in thinking, but we have now experienced this sad and unfortunate belief system up front and in person. We of course can not officially confirm it, but all the logic points to the sad reality of this older mans warped view of the world.
The second sad reality that we have come across just today was not our own, but the story we heard from another american couple we just met today for dinner. We just learned of their arrival from another couple we know in town and so we set up a dinner tonight, pizza again, so we could meet and talk. Nice to see another native English speaking couple for a few mintues. Anyway, we were listening to their story about adopting a typical 5 year old little girl from the ophanage in town. Apparently all has been going well with getting to know this little girl that seemingly has not been able to find a family that she likes. See, here in this country, apparently they trust the children to decide if they want to go with the adoptive parents or not. They trust 4 and 5 year olds to know what is in their best interest for some reason. Most 4-5 year olds can barely figure out if they want orange juice or apply juice let along make a life altering decision about where and who they will spend the rest of their life with.
Anyway, this little girl had been getting to know this couple and all had been going very well. Then today, they went to see her and at one point in the visit the little girl starting crying very hard and was just breaking down in front of them. Luckily, they had their facilitator there to help translate with teh little girl and ask her what was wrong. Here is where it gets unbelievable. The little girl was crying because she really liked the couple, but one of the nannies had told her some horrible things about the couple and that she should not take them as her parents because they are not good people. The reasons why this nanny would do such a thing to a little girl that needs a home are just unthinkable, but according to the local facilitator for this couple there are a number of nannies that do things like this because they don't want the kids to leave. Because if too many of the kids leave, then they will be out of work and not be able to have their job.
Again, I know that this stuff just seems unthinkable and could only be a sick script in a movie, but we are seeing this stuff first and second hand here and it is scary at best and incredibly disturbing at worst. It makes us both so sad to see children being discriminated against and hurt by adults that are so ignorant and selfish. These kids deserve so much more than they are getting and I can only hope and pray that as we all tell these stories and help people see the realities that exist in teh world, that we will slowly start to break down the barriers and walls that lock people in ignorant mentaliites like these.
I would just ask that you say a simple prayer for people here tonight. Not a prayer of judgement but a prayer of grace that God would keep bringing people to this place to open minds and hearts. That God would radically bless those facilitiators that work here to protect their work as they open minds and hearts. And a prayer of hope that God would continue to impress on the hearts and minds of his followers the needs of the widows and the orphans. Not just in our own backyards, but in the places where the least of these are truly the least of these!
Monday, July 4, 2011
HAPPY 4TH OF JULY...A VERY HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!
Today was the FIRST FULL day of sunshine that we have had since we have been here in the Ukraine. A beautiful day. It's also the 4th of July back home. I'm sure our families are all enjoying the day with each other BBQing, swimming, being outside, maybe even thinking of Rob and I half way across the world :-) Today we are missing our families, but we had some important things to do that has taken us away from them all. Today is very important because today a very special little girl has become an American...on this 4th of July. Today, I have not just one child that I love with all my being, but today I have two children that I love with everything that I have. Today a judge said yes! Today a judge even asked us if we had a camera so that we could all take a photo together as a memory...our facilitator said that he's never done that. So even though we are a world away, and missing our families, missing the fireworks, missing the food (oh the food!!), missing the swimming, etc., it's all worth it because today the sun shined oh so bright ALL day, today a very special little girl became an American, today a special little girl became my daughter, today her name is legally Lucy Maria Sader...TODAY SHE IS AN ORPHAN NO MORE!!! Today God is very pleased.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Marsha and the Rain- By Rob
When I was a kid growing up in the thriving metropolis of Ham Lake Minnesota, I watched cartoons and kids shows just like any normal kid. In fact, I remember watching my fair amount of Soap Operas (Days of Our Lives) as well in the summer time, maybe a story for a different blog....
But one show in particular that I really loved for a number of years was the Brady Bunch. In fact, I think I watched every possible episode of that show over the course of a few years from when I was 12 years old till I was say 15. In fact, I even remember mowing the lawn one summer day, looking forward to watching the Brady Bunch later that afternoon and daydreaming about the episode that was going to be on. I had seen it so much that I was actually daydreaming about the exact episode that would come on later that day. Strange I know....
I saw the early years when they just got married and became the clan that they were and Davey Jones visited the house. I remember the mid years when they went to Hawaii and had crazy accidents because of the mystic figurine that they picked up by mistake. I remember the little bit later years when Cousin Oliver came on to the scene in a big way and worked his way into our hearts with that mop of hair. And I remember the classic episodes where Kitty Carryall was taken by the dog, the kids formed a singing group and of course who could remember Marsha, Marsha Marsha episode. Of course this was when Jan was so jealous of Marsha and all the love she got from boys and people in general. I think everyone remembers that episode.
Since we have been coming to the orphanage to pick up Lucy everyday for our visits, the funniest thing happens every time we get there, the nannies start calling out Marsha, Marsha Marsha. Don't imagine Jan Brady doing it, but imagine a 50 year old nanny in a eastern european accent screaming out these words. We just bust up laughing everytime they say it. Apparently the name Maria, which is Lucy's real name, is pronounce Marsha in their language so they just call out her name every time we pick her up. But it always carries Dena and I back to the Brady Bunch when they do it. I would have thought they would pronounce her name like any other country in the world, Maria. But apparently not. It is a great way to start the day though. Dena and I look at each and giggle everytime they do it.
Rain.... For those of you in Texas that might be reading this blog, please skip this part because you are getting killed by a crazy dry spell apparently. But we are just so sick and tired of Rain. Ever since we arrived in our town last Saturday the 25th, we have been getting killed with Rainy day after Rainy day. It stops here and there for a few minutes but overall, the day just gets eaten up by rain. Funny thing is though that it seems that for the two hours in the AM and the PM that we have our time with Lucy, it stops, then it starts again. It stops just long enough for us to pick her up and bring her to a little shelter out of the orphanage where we can play with her adn walk around a bit. Then when we drop her off it always seems to pick back up again. It is amazing. I talked with our in country team the other day briefly on the phone and asked if this was a normal summer and they gasped NO! They said that this is very uncharacteristic of the summer here and we just happened to hit a spell with this horrible weather. The good part is that we get the non rain times when we see Lucy and I guess that is all that matters. God gives us just enough of a dry time per day to see her and that is enough for us.
We have court on Monday the 4th of July. We are excited and looking forward to the day. We appreciate all prayers and positive thoughts on this day so that God would provide a smooth and delay free court day. Someone posted on Dena's Facebook page the other day that it was cool that Lucy will officially become a member of our American family the same day that we celebrate our American existence. Pretty symbolic and a great day to be an American!!!
But one show in particular that I really loved for a number of years was the Brady Bunch. In fact, I think I watched every possible episode of that show over the course of a few years from when I was 12 years old till I was say 15. In fact, I even remember mowing the lawn one summer day, looking forward to watching the Brady Bunch later that afternoon and daydreaming about the episode that was going to be on. I had seen it so much that I was actually daydreaming about the exact episode that would come on later that day. Strange I know....
I saw the early years when they just got married and became the clan that they were and Davey Jones visited the house. I remember the mid years when they went to Hawaii and had crazy accidents because of the mystic figurine that they picked up by mistake. I remember the little bit later years when Cousin Oliver came on to the scene in a big way and worked his way into our hearts with that mop of hair. And I remember the classic episodes where Kitty Carryall was taken by the dog, the kids formed a singing group and of course who could remember Marsha, Marsha Marsha episode. Of course this was when Jan was so jealous of Marsha and all the love she got from boys and people in general. I think everyone remembers that episode.
Since we have been coming to the orphanage to pick up Lucy everyday for our visits, the funniest thing happens every time we get there, the nannies start calling out Marsha, Marsha Marsha. Don't imagine Jan Brady doing it, but imagine a 50 year old nanny in a eastern european accent screaming out these words. We just bust up laughing everytime they say it. Apparently the name Maria, which is Lucy's real name, is pronounce Marsha in their language so they just call out her name every time we pick her up. But it always carries Dena and I back to the Brady Bunch when they do it. I would have thought they would pronounce her name like any other country in the world, Maria. But apparently not. It is a great way to start the day though. Dena and I look at each and giggle everytime they do it.
Rain.... For those of you in Texas that might be reading this blog, please skip this part because you are getting killed by a crazy dry spell apparently. But we are just so sick and tired of Rain. Ever since we arrived in our town last Saturday the 25th, we have been getting killed with Rainy day after Rainy day. It stops here and there for a few minutes but overall, the day just gets eaten up by rain. Funny thing is though that it seems that for the two hours in the AM and the PM that we have our time with Lucy, it stops, then it starts again. It stops just long enough for us to pick her up and bring her to a little shelter out of the orphanage where we can play with her adn walk around a bit. Then when we drop her off it always seems to pick back up again. It is amazing. I talked with our in country team the other day briefly on the phone and asked if this was a normal summer and they gasped NO! They said that this is very uncharacteristic of the summer here and we just happened to hit a spell with this horrible weather. The good part is that we get the non rain times when we see Lucy and I guess that is all that matters. God gives us just enough of a dry time per day to see her and that is enough for us.
We have court on Monday the 4th of July. We are excited and looking forward to the day. We appreciate all prayers and positive thoughts on this day so that God would provide a smooth and delay free court day. Someone posted on Dena's Facebook page the other day that it was cool that Lucy will officially become a member of our American family the same day that we celebrate our American existence. Pretty symbolic and a great day to be an American!!!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
TO BE HONEST....
To be honest, I was so scared that not only Lucy wouldn't like me, but I was even more scared that I wouldn't attach to her in the same way a mother bonds to her birth child. Some of you know me pretty well, and others, not so much. I have admitted in the past that I am not very maternal. I do not gravitate towards children, and they really don't gravitate to me. Most of my adult life thus far has never consisted of the mission to have children, and adopting was NEVER an option. How in the world could I love someone else's child??? Just not going to happen. Well I am morphing into the woman that God wants me to be, I am open and letting him work in my heart and mind. Granted, I have a love for people, all people, but children have always been a little different. Ragen came along and turned my world upside down. I have become a "Momma Bear", a mother that would die in an instant for her child without hesitation...I would give anything for her. After learning about all the orphans with DS that are suffering in Eastern Europe, I couldn't help but think of my Ragen. What if it were her? What if she were born there? What if, what if, what if...hence the decision to adopt. But all along my biggest fear was, I won't bond, love, attach to this child because she is "not from me". It took God giving me a biological child to really and truly love children, all children, and especially a special love for children with DS. Lucy is not from my body, so what will I do if I do not "love" her like I love Ragen??? The fear was really overwhelming. I never have really talked about it openly, not even with Rob. I was embarrassed and ashamed...I was afraid of friends and family thinking, "why in the world is she adopting then?" But I trusted God. I knew that not only would He not leave us through this entire process, but I also trusted that He would provide EVERYTHING we would need to bring this child home, into a LOVING home. We all depend on God for the financial obligations, to make this process a smooth one, BUT, I wonder how many others might feel the way I did/do and that fear keeps them from taking a leap of faith, and really depending on God for EVERYTHING, including our feelings? I've prayed so hard through this process for God to provide a bond, a mother/child love, a love that I have for Ragen. I prayed non-stop when we landed on this soil, especially before we were to meet her. The minute I laid eyes on this child, God gave me the exact feeling that I had the minute I gave birth to Ragen. I loved her the exact same way. I loved her the minute I saw her and my love is growing each and every day. This provision from God has got to be the greatest gift He has given me throughout this entire process. I can't wait to see her, to touch her, to hug her, to give her kisses, to laugh with her, to feed her, to play with her, to hold her, to tell her I love her....all those things that I LOVE to do with Ragen. I am amazed that God has changed me so much, and He has provided EVERYTHING that we need to make our home a happy, nourishing, loving, God-filled environment. Thank you Lord. Thank you for my precious angels and I am so looking forward to see what you have in store for our future as a family!
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Lessons from God- By Rob
It has been quite a journey that we have undertaken in the last 10 months. We started out by just thinking about what it would be like to add a little one to our family. Then we started taking the classes for adoption and sitting in a small room on uncomfortable chairs for two days straight listening to a lady that new everything about adoption and trying to keep up taking notes. Then we started with the first meeting with the homestudy and continued to work on that homestudy for what seemed like a lifetime. Others around us were completing their homestudies in 1 or 2 months and ours went on for what seemed like a year, but was really 4 months or so. We had documents signed by doctors, by lawyers, by friends and family and then had them all notarized, some of them more than once. We had one set of documents that we had to re do 4 different times. It felt like the paperwork would never ever stop rolling in. We had great people helping us at our agency Reece's Rainbow and we had great people in Chicago helping us get all the paperwork done and notarized.
So the paperwork finally got all done, checked and then double checked to ensure that it was exactly what we needed to send for final review. But before that we needed to put a state appostille on all the paperwork downtown CHicago. And, oh yes, don't forget the frantic call we got from our US based helper that said that we had an incorrect document and we needed to get a new one OVER NIGHTED so that they could re attach to our Dossier and re submit for approval.
So for about 10 months, it was all about the process. It was all about paper and UPS and notary and appostille and dreams and homestudies and roadblocks. It was all about getting there. Then today happened.....
We finally made it to the city where our little one has lived for the better part of the last two years of her life. She was born to a family here in this town of about 70,000 people. She was given up in the hospital at birth by her mother because they were afraid of the reputation and stigmatism that they would get from having a child with Down Syndrome. They even went so far as to register the birth of their child in a completely different city so that people would never know that they had a child that was what they refer to as an "Invalid". Think about that for a second. This mother and father didn't only not want their child, but they did everything they possibly could to make sure that no one would ever know that the child they had was different. They worked pretty hard to make sure that their baby would never be tracked back to them. For what reason they did all this work, we will never know the absolute reason. But it is safe to say that they did not want others around them to think that they were somehow cursed by God because they had a child that was different. Or they did not want the rest of their life to be scared in their community by a child that was different. My first thought for people like this is pity and sadness for such selfishness.
Yesterday was a crazy day of running around and meeting her for the first time. But today was the first day that we had one on one time with her for 2 hours, 2 seperate times during the day. We were with her from 930-11am and then again from 4-6pm. This morning from 930-11 was a really great time for Dena but not so much for me. Lucy Maria Sader was not used to seeing men before and was very scared of me this morning. She really had a negative reaction to me and really clung to Dena for the whole time. I kept telling myself that it was just because that she never sees male figures in the orphanage and that the familiar female touch and voice was much more soothing and comforting to her. But no matter what I told myself, I could not holdback the sadness and frustration that I had because she was not taking to me at all. I felt sad and embarrased and frustrated and disappointed and even a few times felt like I should just stay back at the hotel while Dena goes to develop the bond with her at first and then I could come later. I have never in my life had a child be scared of me like she was and it was just really sad to my heart.
After we got through the play time we were on the way back to the hotel and I was trying to explain to Dena what it feels like to have that happen. She was not really understanding what it felt like but at the same time trying to reassure me the best she could. We had a small lunch together in our room and just briefly spoke about it some more. I could not shake the feeling and it did not feel good at all.
Then something hit me hard and very specifically. It was a jolt or a whisper from God and the only thing I can remember hearing in my head was "It is not about you". As I heard this whisper from God, I said it outloud to Dena and we both just kind of let it go. But I thought about it internally for another hour or so and it just kept hitting me, "It is not about you". As I processed the whisper it became so clear to me that all of my sadness or frustration or embarrassment was all wrapped up in what I needed and not what Lucy needed. I was focused on all the hard work that we had done to get to this point and was looking for the big payoff with a great connection immediately with Lucy and for her to just love us both from the very beginning. I was looking for my needs to be met and not thinking about what Lucy needed or what God was asking of me. What an absolute infant I had been in thinking this way and not thinking about Lucy first. Then I prayed to God for peace and asked for him to meet me right where I was, a child looking for forgiveness for being selfish and self absorbed.
Then later in the day after our second meeting in the afternoon went so much better and Lucy was more open to me, I started thinking about her biological mother and father. I started thinking about how selfish I was and not thinking about Lucy's needs and how judgemental I had been yesterday in thinking about her mother and father and how they were so selfish in their needs to give her up. Some might say that their selfishness was so much more horrible than mine. But selfishness is selfishness. Lucy has had a short life in an orphanage because of the selfishness of two people and what God was telling me and reminding me of today was that she has had plenty of selfishness in her life. Lucy does not need any more adults in her life that are thinking about their wants and needs more than hers. She needs a father and a mother that are focused on and determined to provide a life for her on this earth full of SELFLESS love.
Today was not only a day of joy and love because we had a full day with our new little girl. But it was also a day of learning and humility for me, her father. I learned once again that judging others is not my job, but only Gods job. And I also learned again that this life is not about me. It is about connecting my heart to the heart of God, it is about giving grace for mistakes and it is about giving my life to others in a way that will bring glory to God and bring me that much closer to God's heart!
If we are listening, God is always teaching.....
So the paperwork finally got all done, checked and then double checked to ensure that it was exactly what we needed to send for final review. But before that we needed to put a state appostille on all the paperwork downtown CHicago. And, oh yes, don't forget the frantic call we got from our US based helper that said that we had an incorrect document and we needed to get a new one OVER NIGHTED so that they could re attach to our Dossier and re submit for approval.
So for about 10 months, it was all about the process. It was all about paper and UPS and notary and appostille and dreams and homestudies and roadblocks. It was all about getting there. Then today happened.....
We finally made it to the city where our little one has lived for the better part of the last two years of her life. She was born to a family here in this town of about 70,000 people. She was given up in the hospital at birth by her mother because they were afraid of the reputation and stigmatism that they would get from having a child with Down Syndrome. They even went so far as to register the birth of their child in a completely different city so that people would never know that they had a child that was what they refer to as an "Invalid". Think about that for a second. This mother and father didn't only not want their child, but they did everything they possibly could to make sure that no one would ever know that the child they had was different. They worked pretty hard to make sure that their baby would never be tracked back to them. For what reason they did all this work, we will never know the absolute reason. But it is safe to say that they did not want others around them to think that they were somehow cursed by God because they had a child that was different. Or they did not want the rest of their life to be scared in their community by a child that was different. My first thought for people like this is pity and sadness for such selfishness.
Yesterday was a crazy day of running around and meeting her for the first time. But today was the first day that we had one on one time with her for 2 hours, 2 seperate times during the day. We were with her from 930-11am and then again from 4-6pm. This morning from 930-11 was a really great time for Dena but not so much for me. Lucy Maria Sader was not used to seeing men before and was very scared of me this morning. She really had a negative reaction to me and really clung to Dena for the whole time. I kept telling myself that it was just because that she never sees male figures in the orphanage and that the familiar female touch and voice was much more soothing and comforting to her. But no matter what I told myself, I could not holdback the sadness and frustration that I had because she was not taking to me at all. I felt sad and embarrased and frustrated and disappointed and even a few times felt like I should just stay back at the hotel while Dena goes to develop the bond with her at first and then I could come later. I have never in my life had a child be scared of me like she was and it was just really sad to my heart.
After we got through the play time we were on the way back to the hotel and I was trying to explain to Dena what it feels like to have that happen. She was not really understanding what it felt like but at the same time trying to reassure me the best she could. We had a small lunch together in our room and just briefly spoke about it some more. I could not shake the feeling and it did not feel good at all.
Then something hit me hard and very specifically. It was a jolt or a whisper from God and the only thing I can remember hearing in my head was "It is not about you". As I heard this whisper from God, I said it outloud to Dena and we both just kind of let it go. But I thought about it internally for another hour or so and it just kept hitting me, "It is not about you". As I processed the whisper it became so clear to me that all of my sadness or frustration or embarrassment was all wrapped up in what I needed and not what Lucy needed. I was focused on all the hard work that we had done to get to this point and was looking for the big payoff with a great connection immediately with Lucy and for her to just love us both from the very beginning. I was looking for my needs to be met and not thinking about what Lucy needed or what God was asking of me. What an absolute infant I had been in thinking this way and not thinking about Lucy first. Then I prayed to God for peace and asked for him to meet me right where I was, a child looking for forgiveness for being selfish and self absorbed.
Then later in the day after our second meeting in the afternoon went so much better and Lucy was more open to me, I started thinking about her biological mother and father. I started thinking about how selfish I was and not thinking about Lucy's needs and how judgemental I had been yesterday in thinking about her mother and father and how they were so selfish in their needs to give her up. Some might say that their selfishness was so much more horrible than mine. But selfishness is selfishness. Lucy has had a short life in an orphanage because of the selfishness of two people and what God was telling me and reminding me of today was that she has had plenty of selfishness in her life. Lucy does not need any more adults in her life that are thinking about their wants and needs more than hers. She needs a father and a mother that are focused on and determined to provide a life for her on this earth full of SELFLESS love.
Today was not only a day of joy and love because we had a full day with our new little girl. But it was also a day of learning and humility for me, her father. I learned once again that judging others is not my job, but only Gods job. And I also learned again that this life is not about me. It is about connecting my heart to the heart of God, it is about giving grace for mistakes and it is about giving my life to others in a way that will bring glory to God and bring me that much closer to God's heart!
If we are listening, God is always teaching.....
Friday, June 24, 2011
WE GOT IT!
The Lord heard us all and we got our referral TODAY! Tomorrow we see our daughter for the first time. It has been a long road, but a road that I would go down again and again...we still have a way to go, but God has seen us through it all, He won't leave us now. I think this is really just the beginning.
We are tired and have to get up at 5:00am to be on the road to Lucy's region by 6:00.
I will post pics as soon as I can....I know YOU are ALL WAITING! SO AM I!
Until tomorrow...
We are tired and have to get up at 5:00am to be on the road to Lucy's region by 6:00.
I will post pics as soon as I can....I know YOU are ALL WAITING! SO AM I!
Until tomorrow...
OUR APPOINTMENT WENT WELL, PRAYING WE GET THE REFERRAL TODAY!
Well, as everyone that has gone before us, our appointment was no different than anyone else. It was very fast and to top it off, we were late! But it wasn't our fault. The woman handling the referral wasn't even going to ask us any questions until I mentioned that the one photo of Lucy, looked like Ragen...then she asked how many children we had. Then there was a second photo and I gasped. I tried not to seem alarmed, but Yulia could tell that I was. She told me the photo was older. But still, I cannot get that image out of my mind and won't be able to until I see her with my own two eyes. She was RAIL THIN. She looked starved. It was heartbreaking. But it is the reality of many children with disabilities that live on this side of the world. Seeing that photo confirmed with all my might that I will never stop advocating for these children...and that if God puts it in our hearts again, we WILL be back again to adopt.
We are back at our apartment and Yulia told us to be ready by 3. We are all hoping and praying that we will be able to pick up the referral this afternoon after 3. If we get it today, we will travel to her region tomorrow and see her TOMORROW! Oh, I am praying non-stop that God will make this happen for us. If we cannot pick it up this afternoon, we will have to wait to see her on Wednesday.
Praying and waiting....
We are back at our apartment and Yulia told us to be ready by 3. We are all hoping and praying that we will be able to pick up the referral this afternoon after 3. If we get it today, we will travel to her region tomorrow and see her TOMORROW! Oh, I am praying non-stop that God will make this happen for us. If we cannot pick it up this afternoon, we will have to wait to see her on Wednesday.
Praying and waiting....
Thursday, June 23, 2011
PRAYING FOR A MIRACLE
Tomorrow is our SDA appointment at 9:00am. We are praying that they will have our referral to see Lucy later that afternoon. They usually do NOT give referrals the same day. Everything is done manually, no computers, all paperwork....so I can kind of understand that it's not necessarily easy for them. BUT, with GOD, anything is possible. If we do not get our referral in the late afternoon on the same day (Friday), we will most likely not be able to see her until Wednesday of next week...we will have to stay in Kiev for 5 days waiting. Yes, this is notoriously called the "waiting game". Nothing has gone quickly for us in this process. We committed to Lucy at the end of September. So if we could speed up our process toward the end of this long journey, that would be wonderful. I'm not expecting it, but I am praying for it. Please pray for us as well if you wouldn't mind. I would love to see her sooner rather than later. Tuesday is a holiday here in the Ukraine...so please please Lord, give us that referral on Friday...all for your Glory, Amen.
Other than that, the milk is awful and our toilet doesn't work...but I'm on the same soil as my future daughter, and for that, I'm grateful.
And missing Ragen immensely...
Other than that, the milk is awful and our toilet doesn't work...but I'm on the same soil as my future daughter, and for that, I'm grateful.
And missing Ragen immensely...
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
WE ARE HERE!
We have finally landed on the soil where my future daughter lives. It feels so surreal. We had dinner tonight with some other RR families and it was great to meet everyone. We will be meeting again tomorrow night and I'm anxious to hear about everyone's SDA appointments...they will all be going one day before us, so hopefully we will get 411 on the do's and don'ts.
Not much more to say as we are super duper tired and need some rest.
I will write more about our journey as the story unfolds.
Love to you all!
Not much more to say as we are super duper tired and need some rest.
I will write more about our journey as the story unfolds.
Love to you all!
Thursday, June 16, 2011
WE'RE ON OUR WAY!
YIPEEEEEE!! We got our appointment date...next Friday, June 24th at 9:00 am! Flights are booked and we are flying out of O'Hare on Tuesday at 5:00! "Hang on Melaine (Lucy), we're a comin'!!"
If you think of it, could you please say a prayer for this momma of soon-to-be 2 beautiful girls? It's ripping my heart out to leave Ragen at home. I've never been without her for this kind of time and I'm already missing her to pieces.
If you think of it, could you please say a prayer for this momma of soon-to-be 2 beautiful girls? It's ripping my heart out to leave Ragen at home. I've never been without her for this kind of time and I'm already missing her to pieces.
Monday, May 23, 2011
It will be here before we know it...
Well, we should have a travel date in a week or so. Hoping to travel the 3rd week in June. Our second week in June we will be in Minnesota for my niece's graduation, so with all that, 'it' will be here before we know it!
I have so many to-do's and yes, I sit on my computer almost paralyzed. I can't think of anything else but leaving here to go get my 2nd daughter, but the thought consumes me so much that I get nothing done. Well not exactly, see I'm a doer, my list is as high as the hills, and probably too much for the average bear, BUT to me, if I don't get it ALL done, I feel like I get nothing done! Yes, you can say that I'm nesting, cuz I am and I'm ok with that. As a matter of fact, I kinda like it. I did this with Ragen, but this time it's nice to do it without a big ol' belly in the way!
My thoughts are endless and here is where I am going to open myself up...
I'm scared.
Whew, I finally admitted that. I am, I can't help it, I'm scared. I'm scared that she won't like me. I'm scared that I will never learn her 'isms'. I'm scared that Ragen won't like her or she won't like Ragen...ever. I'm scared that she will fall in love with Rob, but not me. I'm scared that I will fall in love with her so much and that we will get an unfair, unaware, uneducated judge that will deny us for whatever ridiculous reason. I'm scared to travel to her country and leave Ragen behind. I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared.
Fear is not of the Lord...and that is what I tell myself.
I tend to be a little obsessive-compulsive (and some of you reading this are probably shaking your heads saying, "YEP!"), and over-think things. This is one of those times that I need to 'go with the flow' and REALLY let God take the steering wheel. He has provided and paved our way through this whole process, which has been relatively easy...He won't leave us now...
But then my 'head' starts to think too much and I get scared again...
Sorry this post is nothing but a bunch of rambling thoughts...I just had to get them out.
I have so many to-do's and yes, I sit on my computer almost paralyzed. I can't think of anything else but leaving here to go get my 2nd daughter, but the thought consumes me so much that I get nothing done. Well not exactly, see I'm a doer, my list is as high as the hills, and probably too much for the average bear, BUT to me, if I don't get it ALL done, I feel like I get nothing done! Yes, you can say that I'm nesting, cuz I am and I'm ok with that. As a matter of fact, I kinda like it. I did this with Ragen, but this time it's nice to do it without a big ol' belly in the way!
My thoughts are endless and here is where I am going to open myself up...
I'm scared.
Whew, I finally admitted that. I am, I can't help it, I'm scared. I'm scared that she won't like me. I'm scared that I will never learn her 'isms'. I'm scared that Ragen won't like her or she won't like Ragen...ever. I'm scared that she will fall in love with Rob, but not me. I'm scared that I will fall in love with her so much and that we will get an unfair, unaware, uneducated judge that will deny us for whatever ridiculous reason. I'm scared to travel to her country and leave Ragen behind. I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared.
Fear is not of the Lord...and that is what I tell myself.
I tend to be a little obsessive-compulsive (and some of you reading this are probably shaking your heads saying, "YEP!"), and over-think things. This is one of those times that I need to 'go with the flow' and REALLY let God take the steering wheel. He has provided and paved our way through this whole process, which has been relatively easy...He won't leave us now...
But then my 'head' starts to think too much and I get scared again...
Sorry this post is nothing but a bunch of rambling thoughts...I just had to get them out.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
SUBMITTED TODAY!!!!
Yes it's finally official, I got the email at 6:45 this morning, and we were submitted today! It's been a long road that is soon leading to us finally meeting our little girl half way across the world. Praying that we travel in 4 weeks! "WE'RE COMING!"
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
Ragen Lynn Inspiration TuTu dresses for sale
Both dresses are for sale. Both are size 4T. Shoulder straps are easily removed so you can make them into a skirt after your child grows out of the dress. $65 each + shipping. All proceeds will be going to buy toys for the children in Melanie's orphanage in Eastern Europe. If you are interested, please leave any questions you may have in the comments along with contact information. You can also visit more of my creations on my fan page on Facebook...Ragen Lynn Inspirations.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
ALWAYS IN AWE...
I am constantly amazed by God and His provisions....
As the new year began, my husband also started a new job which we are so grateful for...but with a new job comes new health insurance and we are beginning to find that it's not as good as what we had with his old company. When you have a child like Ragen, money can fly out the door VERY QUICKLY when it comes to medical care. But...I'm thankful that we at least HAVE insurance! Anyway, trying to meet our deductible and other bills are piling up out of no where. We are also having to provide some outside therapy services that will be out of pocket...and if you are a mommy to a child with special needs, we all know that therapy is very expensive, but our children need it and it's not an option to not have it. She gets it through her school, but it's not nearly enough nor do they offer they type of therapy that Ragen needs. All of these financial obstacles are adding up...FAST! On top of it all, our hard drive for my husband's computer crashed a couple weeks ago. That hard drive had our life on it....adoption paperwork, videos of Ragen, photos, and Rob's old business contacts from his last job that he was going to need for his current job...so we were in a panic. Now if you have never had your hard drive crash, let me just tell you that you can buy a PC for the amount of money it costs to repair it. But we had to have it fixed, we had no choice. I know how faithful our Lord has been to us (my last post is a great reminder), but the controlling human side of me still gets anxious and nervous when things like this happen, especially when it seems it happens all at once. We have been praying for God's provisions with regards to all these financial issues, I even asked my Facebook friends to pray too. And wouldn't you know it, God comes through again! First we recently found out that our mortgage was going to go down by $200 per month because our mortgage company was charging us too much for our property tax escrow. THEN just today, Rob was going through our mail. We got a check from Chase (our bank that holds our mortgage) and it was a refund check (we were paying too much for our property tax escrow) for almost the exact (a little over) the amount that we had to spend to fix our hard drive. I was in tears once again at the awesomeness of this GREAT GOD I SERVE! No matter how much I try to serve Him by serving others, he one ups me! He always gives more to me than I give to Him!! ALWAYS! This is just another reminder that we should ALWAYS give, even if you think you don't have it, He will provide, He will give back tenfold....GOD IS SO GOOD!!!!
As the new year began, my husband also started a new job which we are so grateful for...but with a new job comes new health insurance and we are beginning to find that it's not as good as what we had with his old company. When you have a child like Ragen, money can fly out the door VERY QUICKLY when it comes to medical care. But...I'm thankful that we at least HAVE insurance! Anyway, trying to meet our deductible and other bills are piling up out of no where. We are also having to provide some outside therapy services that will be out of pocket...and if you are a mommy to a child with special needs, we all know that therapy is very expensive, but our children need it and it's not an option to not have it. She gets it through her school, but it's not nearly enough nor do they offer they type of therapy that Ragen needs. All of these financial obstacles are adding up...FAST! On top of it all, our hard drive for my husband's computer crashed a couple weeks ago. That hard drive had our life on it....adoption paperwork, videos of Ragen, photos, and Rob's old business contacts from his last job that he was going to need for his current job...so we were in a panic. Now if you have never had your hard drive crash, let me just tell you that you can buy a PC for the amount of money it costs to repair it. But we had to have it fixed, we had no choice. I know how faithful our Lord has been to us (my last post is a great reminder), but the controlling human side of me still gets anxious and nervous when things like this happen, especially when it seems it happens all at once. We have been praying for God's provisions with regards to all these financial issues, I even asked my Facebook friends to pray too. And wouldn't you know it, God comes through again! First we recently found out that our mortgage was going to go down by $200 per month because our mortgage company was charging us too much for our property tax escrow. THEN just today, Rob was going through our mail. We got a check from Chase (our bank that holds our mortgage) and it was a refund check (we were paying too much for our property tax escrow) for almost the exact (a little over) the amount that we had to spend to fix our hard drive. I was in tears once again at the awesomeness of this GREAT GOD I SERVE! No matter how much I try to serve Him by serving others, he one ups me! He always gives more to me than I give to Him!! ALWAYS! This is just another reminder that we should ALWAYS give, even if you think you don't have it, He will provide, He will give back tenfold....GOD IS SO GOOD!!!!
Monday, January 10, 2011
THE BLESSINGS ALONG THE WAY
WOW...I think there's a long overdue post from me, huh! I guess I should make this a good one...
So, as you all know we began our adoption process the end of September. It's taking a little longer than we thought, mostly because of the holidays and Rob having to reschedule a homestudy visit, but we're moving along and so far no hiccups. Praise God. This isn't the only thing that I have to praise God for in regards to this whole journey. Our journey has been nothing short of amazing and filled with God's presence the entire time. Throughout my adult life, since I became "born again" (1996), I've always wondered and struggled wondering what my true purpose was, how can I really make a difference in this world? I think most of us have felt that at one time or another in our lives, and unfortunately I think a lot of people go their entire lives feeling that way. They search and search and search for the next 'feel good'. Focusing on themselves, money, their career, bouncing from relationship to relationship, bigger homes, more luxurious cars, cosmetic surgery, doing anything to improve their looks, even doing drugs or alcohol...all these surface 'feel goods'....all these things do not last....they never will, and most will only make you feel more empty. I used to be one of these people, I'm sad to say, but it's true. Going through life focusing on 'me' and what would make 'me' happy. As we all know what the world says, 'how can I make someone else happy if I'm not happy?' Well this way of living and thinking, as I mentioned, will only destroy a person and I was on the verge of destruction. Although I've always had the heart for those in need, I just always thought, "the problem is bigger than me, what could I possibly do to make a difference? nothing". And so I would resume living my life that was about me. Then I met my husband and 2 years after, the most beautiful person that I would ever know on this earth came into my world and saved me from myself. Something happens to a woman when she gives birth. The saying that to become a parent is to have your heart go walking around outside your body is nothing but the truth. To say that you would give your life for this little miracle is an understatement. I don't know what it's like to have a 'typical' developing child, but I have many friends that have both, 'typically' developing and 'chromosomally enhanced'. I think that it's safe to say that the bond you feel for the child with 'the little extra' is indescribable. It's almost magical. These children cause us to do things that we might not ever do. I know this is true of my Ragen. When I look at her I see something that I don't see in other people and it's not because she is my child, I see this in other children like her. It's almost like they wear their souls on the outside for all of us to see. And it's your choice to see it or not to see it. I know as a parent I choose to see it, I love to see it, I live to see it, I want to be around it, I want to learn from it, I want to grow from it, I want it to be an example to me and others, I want to share it. To be around Ragen and other children like her is transforming, and this is not a coincidence, this is God's plan. So when I came upon the Reece's Rainbow website, I was devastated to see these faces and to be come aware of the hardships these precious children were going through and the indescribable injustices being put upon them all because they were born as what the world sees as imperfect. It weighed heavily on my heart every day, and on Rob's as well. We knew we wanted to do something. When you see the photos of these children and read their stories, you can't help but imagine your own child living that way, because let's face it, our children are not easily accepted even here in the U.S., we still fight for their acceptance and equal treatment. So when you do envision your child being an RR child, it does something to you, at least it did to me. At the time of discovering RR, as most couples, we thought that there was no way that adoption could ever happen. "Our house is too small, 60K in debt, Rob hated his job, my health wasn't good, Ragen deserved ALL of me, our school district for special needs isn't ideal...", the list of reasons why we couldn't fathom adopting was endless....but the burden of these children still weighed oh so heavily on me and it wasn't going away but becoming stronger and stronger with each passing day. As the year progressed, as we struggled financially each and every month, living pay check to pay check, Rob began to see the light at the end of the long tunnel that he had been in for 2 years...he finally made a huge sale and we were about to reap the benifits...FINALLY! We had been in our home for over 3 years and needing more room, finishing our basement was at the top of the list...you know, thinking about ourselves again! I wanted an adequate play room for Ragen and where I could do ABA therapy, a 4th bedroom/office for Rob and a place for his family to sleep when they visited, a 4th bathroom, and of course a family room for parties...cuz it's all about me and what I need and want! We had a contractor come over and write up a floor plan and give us an estimate so we could get started at the first of the year. About a month or so after that initial meeting, I was on my way home from the grocery store. As I was sitting at a stop light about 3 minutes from home, I got slapped upside the head hard, God hit me with a brick, "What could I possibly be thinking!! Finish a basement or save a life?????!" This was the day that God revealed to me MY PURPOSE. As hard as the human, worldly side of me didn't want to give up my precious basement, I knew what I had to do. I got home and yelled up to Rob who was working in his office, I told him that the basement was off, that we had to take a leap of faith, it was time to commit to a child on RR. After a couple minutes of talking, my husband looked at me and told me that he had never loved me more than he did now, he loved the woman I was becoming. When I say this was a leap of faith, and I know that most or even all adopting families would agree with this description of moving forward to adopting a child, it was truly a leap of faith...we had no money accept the money to commit to a child and pay for the homestudy, but no money to pay for the adoption, and really no way of fund raising other than ask people for donations, and I was NOT comfortable with asking for money without giving something in return, because that was the way the world works, right? So I have my dresses that I make and sell on line. Well that wasn't going to work, unless I wanted bloody stumps for fingers and have the TV raise my child, not an option. But we both thought that if God put this on us to do, He would provide! And oh my, HE HAS PROVIDED AND KEEPS PROVIDING! The blessings that we have been given along the way are astounding. The people that have stepped up and given just even $5, it's all added up. I remember thinking when we began this process that our church would be a great resource....it's one of the largest churches in the world...why of course it would be a great resource, if not the best resource! Well, when I asked our pastor and compassion's ministry pastor for help, they had told me that the church couldn't help us other than prayer. Our church is so large and they are doing God's work in a global capacity, with over 15,000 attendees on one Sunday morning, with all the individual causes that there are within the church, they couldn't quite possibly help everyone, otherwise they wouldn't have the money to help in the global capacity that they are called to do. Although Rob and I understood that, we had a hard time with it, major disappointment to say the least. But we respected the decision and had to move on and find other avenues to raise the money for our adoption. I post my cause and plea for Melanie on Facebook several times a day, my pride has gone out the window...this is not about me, it's about an orphan whose life needs saving. I'm so blessed to have the friends that I have made on FB, the endless support, the reposting of our donation link, the home businesses that some have offered their proceeds from to our funds, and the donations, even if it's been just $5, it has all added up, and I have appreciated every single cent. The money was coming in, but very slowly, so of course we were getting a little nervous, wondering if this was what God really wanted us to do. Shortly before Christmas, we had gotten some pretty large donations and from unexpected places and I know my own family has donated, though they are adament about being anonymous (they are very humble & private people). I remember in the beginning of the process, Andrea from RR telling me that Christmas would be a great time to raise the money. I was beginning to believe it! A couple weeks before Christmas we were a little over $13,000. We stayed there for 2 weeks. New Years Day, I got an email from Michelle the donations coordinator from RR telling me that we had received a $5000 donation on New Years Eve. I read that, re read it and re read it, the email came at 1:00 am, I woke Rob up to tell him. I was thrilled to pieces!! Although donations are anonymous, I did ask Michelle if she could tell me who it was from. Low and behold, the largest donation we had ever had came from someone we don't know, but it was someone from our church!!! So even though we were so disappointed that we coudn't solicit help from our church, the one donation that really put us in a very comfortable place came from our church anyway!!!! That was God doin His thing! I was so excited the next day, I was just reeling! As Rob and I were on our way to church for Kirk Franklin concert the next day, I called my mom to tell her the good news. My mother had spent New Years Eve with Rob and I just hanging out playing games and talking. When I called her to tell her the good news, for some reason it prompted her to tell me something that I had been waiting to hear from her for easily over 30 years. Something that I had lived with almost all my life, a burden that no child would ever want to live with, the burden of thinking I was never wanted. My mother and father divorced when I was 13. Their relationship was not good, I could never remember them being happy. I remember being told that when I was born, my mother went to work, I was told that she didn't want to be around me. But that wasn't true, she just didn't have a healthy relationship with my father and after raising 3 other daughters that were all 8+ years older than me, by the time I came along, she needed to get out of the house for her own mental health, it had nothing to do with me. We joked about this on New Years Eve, talking about how I was an accident, I wasn't really wanted (I was joking about it, even though deep down in my heart, it hurt me all my life, but at 41 years old, what are you gonna do? You just try to move on). When I called my mother to tell her this news about the $5000 donation, she got silent, I could tell she was about to cry (she is NOT a crier or emotional at all, neither am I, but God is changing that in me too). She mentions our conversation the previous night, about me not being wanted, she then starts to cry and says that that wasn't true, SHE DID WANT ME!!!! I lost my mind! The tears were endless!! I couldn't believe that after 30 years of thinking I was a mistake, I was being told by the only person that could convince me otherwise that it wasn't true! I felt a 3000 lb weight that I know I carried around with me lift from my shoulders almost immediately, because a mother's love is so very powerful even after 41 years. I felt lighter, I felt free. Finally. I know my relationship with my mother is changing and evolving to be the relationship that God wants for both me and her. A relationship that I've always wanted with her! Why did this happen? Why now? God was timing this perfectly. I am about to become a mother again, I am giving of myself and finally taking the focus off of me, it was time to be set free from the chains of thinking I didn't belong on this earth. I found my purpose, I know why I'm here, I know I can make a difference in this world. God is changing me because I see it now and so do others, especially my mom. So not only have I been freed from chains and shackles that I've carried around most of my life since this whole adoption process began, but Rob was also freed from shackles and chains that he was carrying around too in his professional life. He was working in a very unhealthy environment for 2 years and needed so desperately to get out. Although he was afraid to start investigating other job opportunities thinking that there wouldn't be any that would fit. Not only did he find opportunities, but he had 3 job offers on the table within a month! He has begun a new job January 3, and is so exicited! My health is so much better, FINALLY found a wonderful doctor that has been working with me AND, the 60K credit card debt that we had, will be gone in a couple months!! These are the things that can happen when you take a leap of faith. I'm not saying that life will be perfect, but I am saying that God will help you through it and he will provide somehow someway. People often say that they wish they were rich or they would win the lottery. I don't. If you had all the riches in the world, God wouldn't be able to touch as many people. God wouldn't be able to provide the way He does. God wouldn't be able to work in as many people's hearts the way He does. And the heart of a person is what matters most. If we all take the focus off ourselves (which is always a work in progress!) when we are searching for the next 'feel good', give of yourself til it hurts, you will feel more fulfillment than you could have ever imagined...God's blessings are far beyond our comprehension....
I am not sure what God has in store for us...but I believe Ragen was the beginning and Melanie is part of a bigger picture...it is slowly being revealed.
I am changing...I like this new person...all because of The 21st Chromosome....A Blessing in Disguise
So, as you all know we began our adoption process the end of September. It's taking a little longer than we thought, mostly because of the holidays and Rob having to reschedule a homestudy visit, but we're moving along and so far no hiccups. Praise God. This isn't the only thing that I have to praise God for in regards to this whole journey. Our journey has been nothing short of amazing and filled with God's presence the entire time. Throughout my adult life, since I became "born again" (1996), I've always wondered and struggled wondering what my true purpose was, how can I really make a difference in this world? I think most of us have felt that at one time or another in our lives, and unfortunately I think a lot of people go their entire lives feeling that way. They search and search and search for the next 'feel good'. Focusing on themselves, money, their career, bouncing from relationship to relationship, bigger homes, more luxurious cars, cosmetic surgery, doing anything to improve their looks, even doing drugs or alcohol...all these surface 'feel goods'....all these things do not last....they never will, and most will only make you feel more empty. I used to be one of these people, I'm sad to say, but it's true. Going through life focusing on 'me' and what would make 'me' happy. As we all know what the world says, 'how can I make someone else happy if I'm not happy?' Well this way of living and thinking, as I mentioned, will only destroy a person and I was on the verge of destruction. Although I've always had the heart for those in need, I just always thought, "the problem is bigger than me, what could I possibly do to make a difference? nothing". And so I would resume living my life that was about me. Then I met my husband and 2 years after, the most beautiful person that I would ever know on this earth came into my world and saved me from myself. Something happens to a woman when she gives birth. The saying that to become a parent is to have your heart go walking around outside your body is nothing but the truth. To say that you would give your life for this little miracle is an understatement. I don't know what it's like to have a 'typical' developing child, but I have many friends that have both, 'typically' developing and 'chromosomally enhanced'. I think that it's safe to say that the bond you feel for the child with 'the little extra' is indescribable. It's almost magical. These children cause us to do things that we might not ever do. I know this is true of my Ragen. When I look at her I see something that I don't see in other people and it's not because she is my child, I see this in other children like her. It's almost like they wear their souls on the outside for all of us to see. And it's your choice to see it or not to see it. I know as a parent I choose to see it, I love to see it, I live to see it, I want to be around it, I want to learn from it, I want to grow from it, I want it to be an example to me and others, I want to share it. To be around Ragen and other children like her is transforming, and this is not a coincidence, this is God's plan. So when I came upon the Reece's Rainbow website, I was devastated to see these faces and to be come aware of the hardships these precious children were going through and the indescribable injustices being put upon them all because they were born as what the world sees as imperfect. It weighed heavily on my heart every day, and on Rob's as well. We knew we wanted to do something. When you see the photos of these children and read their stories, you can't help but imagine your own child living that way, because let's face it, our children are not easily accepted even here in the U.S., we still fight for their acceptance and equal treatment. So when you do envision your child being an RR child, it does something to you, at least it did to me. At the time of discovering RR, as most couples, we thought that there was no way that adoption could ever happen. "Our house is too small, 60K in debt, Rob hated his job, my health wasn't good, Ragen deserved ALL of me, our school district for special needs isn't ideal...", the list of reasons why we couldn't fathom adopting was endless....but the burden of these children still weighed oh so heavily on me and it wasn't going away but becoming stronger and stronger with each passing day. As the year progressed, as we struggled financially each and every month, living pay check to pay check, Rob began to see the light at the end of the long tunnel that he had been in for 2 years...he finally made a huge sale and we were about to reap the benifits...FINALLY! We had been in our home for over 3 years and needing more room, finishing our basement was at the top of the list...you know, thinking about ourselves again! I wanted an adequate play room for Ragen and where I could do ABA therapy, a 4th bedroom/office for Rob and a place for his family to sleep when they visited, a 4th bathroom, and of course a family room for parties...cuz it's all about me and what I need and want! We had a contractor come over and write up a floor plan and give us an estimate so we could get started at the first of the year. About a month or so after that initial meeting, I was on my way home from the grocery store. As I was sitting at a stop light about 3 minutes from home, I got slapped upside the head hard, God hit me with a brick, "What could I possibly be thinking!! Finish a basement or save a life?????!" This was the day that God revealed to me MY PURPOSE. As hard as the human, worldly side of me didn't want to give up my precious basement, I knew what I had to do. I got home and yelled up to Rob who was working in his office, I told him that the basement was off, that we had to take a leap of faith, it was time to commit to a child on RR. After a couple minutes of talking, my husband looked at me and told me that he had never loved me more than he did now, he loved the woman I was becoming. When I say this was a leap of faith, and I know that most or even all adopting families would agree with this description of moving forward to adopting a child, it was truly a leap of faith...we had no money accept the money to commit to a child and pay for the homestudy, but no money to pay for the adoption, and really no way of fund raising other than ask people for donations, and I was NOT comfortable with asking for money without giving something in return, because that was the way the world works, right? So I have my dresses that I make and sell on line. Well that wasn't going to work, unless I wanted bloody stumps for fingers and have the TV raise my child, not an option. But we both thought that if God put this on us to do, He would provide! And oh my, HE HAS PROVIDED AND KEEPS PROVIDING! The blessings that we have been given along the way are astounding. The people that have stepped up and given just even $5, it's all added up. I remember thinking when we began this process that our church would be a great resource....it's one of the largest churches in the world...why of course it would be a great resource, if not the best resource! Well, when I asked our pastor and compassion's ministry pastor for help, they had told me that the church couldn't help us other than prayer. Our church is so large and they are doing God's work in a global capacity, with over 15,000 attendees on one Sunday morning, with all the individual causes that there are within the church, they couldn't quite possibly help everyone, otherwise they wouldn't have the money to help in the global capacity that they are called to do. Although Rob and I understood that, we had a hard time with it, major disappointment to say the least. But we respected the decision and had to move on and find other avenues to raise the money for our adoption. I post my cause and plea for Melanie on Facebook several times a day, my pride has gone out the window...this is not about me, it's about an orphan whose life needs saving. I'm so blessed to have the friends that I have made on FB, the endless support, the reposting of our donation link, the home businesses that some have offered their proceeds from to our funds, and the donations, even if it's been just $5, it has all added up, and I have appreciated every single cent. The money was coming in, but very slowly, so of course we were getting a little nervous, wondering if this was what God really wanted us to do. Shortly before Christmas, we had gotten some pretty large donations and from unexpected places and I know my own family has donated, though they are adament about being anonymous (they are very humble & private people). I remember in the beginning of the process, Andrea from RR telling me that Christmas would be a great time to raise the money. I was beginning to believe it! A couple weeks before Christmas we were a little over $13,000. We stayed there for 2 weeks. New Years Day, I got an email from Michelle the donations coordinator from RR telling me that we had received a $5000 donation on New Years Eve. I read that, re read it and re read it, the email came at 1:00 am, I woke Rob up to tell him. I was thrilled to pieces!! Although donations are anonymous, I did ask Michelle if she could tell me who it was from. Low and behold, the largest donation we had ever had came from someone we don't know, but it was someone from our church!!! So even though we were so disappointed that we coudn't solicit help from our church, the one donation that really put us in a very comfortable place came from our church anyway!!!! That was God doin His thing! I was so excited the next day, I was just reeling! As Rob and I were on our way to church for Kirk Franklin concert the next day, I called my mom to tell her the good news. My mother had spent New Years Eve with Rob and I just hanging out playing games and talking. When I called her to tell her the good news, for some reason it prompted her to tell me something that I had been waiting to hear from her for easily over 30 years. Something that I had lived with almost all my life, a burden that no child would ever want to live with, the burden of thinking I was never wanted. My mother and father divorced when I was 13. Their relationship was not good, I could never remember them being happy. I remember being told that when I was born, my mother went to work, I was told that she didn't want to be around me. But that wasn't true, she just didn't have a healthy relationship with my father and after raising 3 other daughters that were all 8+ years older than me, by the time I came along, she needed to get out of the house for her own mental health, it had nothing to do with me. We joked about this on New Years Eve, talking about how I was an accident, I wasn't really wanted (I was joking about it, even though deep down in my heart, it hurt me all my life, but at 41 years old, what are you gonna do? You just try to move on). When I called my mother to tell her this news about the $5000 donation, she got silent, I could tell she was about to cry (she is NOT a crier or emotional at all, neither am I, but God is changing that in me too). She mentions our conversation the previous night, about me not being wanted, she then starts to cry and says that that wasn't true, SHE DID WANT ME!!!! I lost my mind! The tears were endless!! I couldn't believe that after 30 years of thinking I was a mistake, I was being told by the only person that could convince me otherwise that it wasn't true! I felt a 3000 lb weight that I know I carried around with me lift from my shoulders almost immediately, because a mother's love is so very powerful even after 41 years. I felt lighter, I felt free. Finally. I know my relationship with my mother is changing and evolving to be the relationship that God wants for both me and her. A relationship that I've always wanted with her! Why did this happen? Why now? God was timing this perfectly. I am about to become a mother again, I am giving of myself and finally taking the focus off of me, it was time to be set free from the chains of thinking I didn't belong on this earth. I found my purpose, I know why I'm here, I know I can make a difference in this world. God is changing me because I see it now and so do others, especially my mom. So not only have I been freed from chains and shackles that I've carried around most of my life since this whole adoption process began, but Rob was also freed from shackles and chains that he was carrying around too in his professional life. He was working in a very unhealthy environment for 2 years and needed so desperately to get out. Although he was afraid to start investigating other job opportunities thinking that there wouldn't be any that would fit. Not only did he find opportunities, but he had 3 job offers on the table within a month! He has begun a new job January 3, and is so exicited! My health is so much better, FINALLY found a wonderful doctor that has been working with me AND, the 60K credit card debt that we had, will be gone in a couple months!! These are the things that can happen when you take a leap of faith. I'm not saying that life will be perfect, but I am saying that God will help you through it and he will provide somehow someway. People often say that they wish they were rich or they would win the lottery. I don't. If you had all the riches in the world, God wouldn't be able to touch as many people. God wouldn't be able to provide the way He does. God wouldn't be able to work in as many people's hearts the way He does. And the heart of a person is what matters most. If we all take the focus off ourselves (which is always a work in progress!) when we are searching for the next 'feel good', give of yourself til it hurts, you will feel more fulfillment than you could have ever imagined...God's blessings are far beyond our comprehension....
I am not sure what God has in store for us...but I believe Ragen was the beginning and Melanie is part of a bigger picture...it is slowly being revealed.
I am changing...I like this new person...all because of The 21st Chromosome....A Blessing in Disguise
Saturday, November 13, 2010
KISSES IN THE WIND...A waiting child's lullabye
I hold you in my heart and touch you in my dreams.
You are here each day with me, or at least that's how it seems.
I know you wonder where we are...what's taking us so long?
But remember child, I love you so and God will keep you strong.
Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin.
Because tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.
May God hold you in His hand until I can be with you.
I promise you my darling, I'm doing all that I can do.
Very soon you'll have a family for real, not just pretend.
But for tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.
May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight.
And let the angels bring you kisses that I send to you each night.
I hold you in my heart and touch you in my dreams.
You are here each day with me, or at least that's how it seems.
I know you wonder where we are...what's taking us so long?
But remember child, I love you so and God will keep you strong.
Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin.
Because tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.
May God hold you in His hand until I can be with you.
I promise you my darling, I'm doing all that I can do.
Very soon you'll have a family for real, not just pretend.
But for tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.
May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight.
And let the angels bring you kisses that I send to you each night.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
The Rising Moon (to Melanie)
As the moon begins to rise
I catch a glimpse of almond eyes
Staring back from outer space
The moon reflects your loving face.
My heart begins to yearn for you
A love down deep that grows so true
I see the moon throughout the night
My dreams of you are taking flight.
So when you look upon the moon
Please know that we will be there soon
I pray reflected in its light
Will be our love for you this night.
The moon must now complete its course
Let’s not regret and show remorse
It soon will rise and start anew
Reflecting love meant just for you.
Author unknown
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