Monday, May 23, 2011

It will be here before we know it...

Well, we should have a travel date in a week or so. Hoping to travel the 3rd week in June. Our second week in June we will be in Minnesota for my niece's graduation, so with all that, 'it' will be here before we know it!

I have so many to-do's and yes, I sit on my computer almost paralyzed. I can't think of anything else but leaving here to go get my 2nd daughter, but the thought consumes me so much that I get nothing done. Well not exactly, see I'm a doer, my list is as high as the hills, and probably too much for the average bear, BUT to me, if I don't get it ALL done, I feel like I get nothing done! Yes, you can say that I'm nesting, cuz I am and I'm ok with that. As a matter of fact, I kinda like it. I did this with Ragen, but this time it's nice to do it without a big ol' belly in the way!

My thoughts are endless and here is where I am going to open myself up...

I'm scared.

Whew, I finally admitted that. I am, I can't help it, I'm scared. I'm scared that she won't like me. I'm scared that I will never learn her 'isms'. I'm scared that Ragen won't like her or she won't like Ragen...ever. I'm scared that she will fall in love with Rob, but not me. I'm scared that I will fall in love with her so much and that we will get an unfair, unaware, uneducated judge that will deny us for whatever ridiculous reason. I'm scared to travel to her country and leave Ragen behind. I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared.

Fear is not of the Lord...and that is what I tell myself.

I tend to be a little obsessive-compulsive (and some of you reading this are probably shaking your heads saying, "YEP!"), and over-think things. This is one of those times that I need to 'go with the flow' and REALLY let God take the steering wheel. He has provided and paved our way through this whole process, which has been relatively easy...He won't leave us now...

But then my 'head' starts to think too much and I get scared again...

Sorry this post is nothing but a bunch of rambling thoughts...I just had to get them out.


  1. I don't blame you one bit for being scared!!! You are entering into a big unknown. You do, however, have the blessed assurance that GOD knows it all. Cast your cares on Him, sweet friend!!

  2. oh sweetie, this is SO normal!!! I cannot wait to call you and tell you when you will be meeting your new daughter!!! and it WILL be here before you know it!
    Nancy (blogger is being a pill!)

  3. Oh dear. Let it all out and ramble away. That is what we are here for. I apologize for getting caught up so late. I am very excited for you but I definitely sense your fear. I imagine that this is normal. I hear my friends as they are pregnant with their 2nd, 3rd, etc have the same worries. God had led you to your little angel so remember that. Let me know if you need anything. Prayers headed your way!

  4. I've adopted four times and was scared every single time! I'm praying for you and looking forward to following your journey!

    Rachel Whitmire
    Post-Adoption Care Coordinator
    Reeces Rainbow Down Syndrome Adoption Ministry