It will be here before we know it...

Well, we should have a travel date in a week or so. Hoping to travel the 3rd week in June. Our second week in June we will be in Minnesota for my niece's graduation, so with all that, 'it' will be here before we know it!

I have so many to-do's and yes, I sit on my computer almost paralyzed. I can't think of anything else but leaving here to go get my 2nd daughter, but the thought consumes me so much that I get nothing done. Well not exactly, see I'm a doer, my list is as high as the hills, and probably too much for the average bear, BUT to me, if I don't get it ALL done, I feel like I get nothing done! Yes, you can say that I'm nesting, cuz I am and I'm ok with that. As a matter of fact, I kinda like it. I did this with Ragen, but this time it's nice to do it without a big ol' belly in the way!

My thoughts are endless and here is where I am going to open myself up...

I'm scared.

Whew, I finally admitted that. I am, I can't help it, I'm scared. I'm scared that she won't like me. I'm scared that I will never learn her 'isms'. I'm scared that Ragen won't like her or she won't like Ragen...ever. I'm scared that she will fall in love with Rob, but not me. I'm scared that I will fall in love with her so much and that we will get an unfair, unaware, uneducated judge that will deny us for whatever ridiculous reason. I'm scared to travel to her country and leave Ragen behind. I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared.

Fear is not of the Lord...and that is what I tell myself.

I tend to be a little obsessive-compulsive (and some of you reading this are probably shaking your heads saying, "YEP!"), and over-think things. This is one of those times that I need to 'go with the flow' and REALLY let God take the steering wheel. He has provided and paved our way through this whole process, which has been relatively easy...He won't leave us now...

But then my 'head' starts to think too much and I get scared again...

Sorry this post is nothing but a bunch of rambling thoughts...I just had to get them out.

SUBMITTED TODAY!!!!

Yes it's finally official, I got the email at 6:45 this morning, and we were submitted today! It's been a long road that is soon leading to us finally meeting our little girl half way across the world. Praying that we travel in 4 weeks! "WE'RE COMING!"

DOSSIER EN ROUTE!

Ragen Lynn Inspiration TuTu dresses for sale

Both dresses are for sale. Both are size 4T. Shoulder straps are easily removed so you can make them into a skirt after your child grows out of the dress. $65 each + shipping. All proceeds will be going to buy toys for the children in Melanie's orphanage in Eastern Europe. If you are interested, please leave any questions you may have in the comments along with contact information. You can also visit more of my creations on my fan page on Facebook...Ragen Lynn Inspirations.

ALWAYS IN AWE...

I am constantly amazed by God and His provisions....

As the new year began, my husband also started a new job which we are so grateful for...but with a new job comes new health insurance and we are beginning to find that it's not as good as what we had with his old company. When you have a child like Ragen, money can fly out the door VERY QUICKLY when it comes to medical care. But...I'm thankful that we at least HAVE insurance! Anyway, trying to meet our deductible and other bills are piling up out of no where. We are also having to provide some outside therapy services that will be out of pocket...and if you are a mommy to a child with special needs, we all know that therapy is very expensive, but our children need it and it's not an option to not have it. She gets it through her school, but it's not nearly enough nor do they offer they type of therapy that Ragen needs. All of these financial obstacles are adding up...FAST! On top of it all, our hard drive for my husband's computer crashed a couple weeks ago. That hard drive had our life on it....adoption paperwork, videos of Ragen, photos, and Rob's old business contacts from his last job that he was going to need for his current job...so we were in a panic. Now if you have never had your hard drive crash, let me just tell you that you can buy a PC for the amount of money it costs to repair it. But we had to have it fixed, we had no choice. I know how faithful our Lord has been to us (my last post is a great reminder), but the controlling human side of me still gets anxious and nervous when things like this happen, especially when it seems it happens all at once. We have been praying for God's provisions with regards to all these financial issues, I even asked my Facebook friends to pray too. And wouldn't you know it, God comes through again! First we recently found out that our mortgage was going to go down by $200 per month because our mortgage company was charging us too much for our property tax escrow. THEN just today, Rob was going through our mail. We got a check from Chase (our bank that holds our mortgage) and it was a refund check (we were paying too much for our property tax escrow) for almost the exact (a little over) the amount that we had to spend to fix our hard drive. I was in tears once again at the awesomeness of this GREAT GOD I SERVE! No matter how much I try to serve Him by serving others, he one ups me! He always gives more to me than I give to Him!! ALWAYS! This is just another reminder that we should ALWAYS give, even if you think you don't have it, He will provide, He will give back tenfold....GOD IS SO GOOD!!!!

THE BLESSINGS ALONG THE WAY

WOW...I think there's a long overdue post from me, huh! I guess I should make this a good one...

So, as you all know we began our adoption process the end of September. It's taking a little longer than we thought, mostly because of the holidays and Rob having to reschedule a homestudy visit, but we're moving along and so far no hiccups. Praise God. This isn't the only thing that I have to praise God for in regards to this whole journey. Our journey has been nothing short of amazing and filled with God's presence the entire time. Throughout my adult life, since I became "born again" (1996), I've always wondered and struggled wondering what my true purpose was, how can I really make a difference in this world? I think most of us have felt that at one time or another in our lives, and unfortunately I think a lot of people go their entire lives feeling that way. They search and search and search for the next 'feel good'. Focusing on themselves, money, their career, bouncing from relationship to relationship, bigger homes, more luxurious cars, cosmetic surgery, doing anything to improve their looks, even doing drugs or alcohol...all these surface 'feel goods'....all these things do not last....they never will, and most will only make you feel more empty. I used to be one of these people, I'm sad to say, but it's true. Going through life focusing on 'me' and what would make 'me' happy. As we all know what the world says, 'how can I make someone else happy if I'm not happy?' Well this way of living and thinking, as I mentioned, will only destroy a person and I was on the verge of destruction. Although I've always had the heart for those in need, I just always thought, "the problem is bigger than me, what could I possibly do to make a difference? nothing". And so I would resume living my life that was about me. Then I met my husband and 2 years after, the most beautiful person that I would ever know on this earth came into my world and saved me from myself. Something happens to a woman when she gives birth. The saying that to become a parent is to have your heart go walking around outside your body is nothing but the truth. To say that you would give your life for this little miracle is an understatement. I don't know what it's like to have a 'typical' developing child, but I have many friends that have both, 'typically' developing and 'chromosomally enhanced'. I think that it's safe to say that the bond you feel for the child with 'the little extra' is indescribable. It's almost magical. These children cause us to do things that we might not ever do. I know this is true of my Ragen. When I look at her I see something that I don't see in other people and it's not because she is my child, I see this in other children like her. It's almost like they wear their souls on the outside for all of us to see. And it's your choice to see it or not to see it. I know as a parent I choose to see it, I love to see it, I live to see it, I want to be around it, I want to learn from it, I want to grow from it, I want it to be an example to me and others, I want to share it. To be around Ragen and other children like her is transforming, and this is not a coincidence, this is God's plan. So when I came upon the Reece's Rainbow website, I was devastated to see these faces and to be come aware of the hardships these precious children were going through and the indescribable injustices being put upon them all because they were born as what the world sees as imperfect. It weighed heavily on my heart every day, and on Rob's as well. We knew we wanted to do something. When you see the photos of these children and read their stories, you can't help but imagine your own child living that way, because let's face it, our children are not easily accepted even here in the U.S., we still fight for their acceptance and equal treatment. So when you do envision your child being an RR child, it does something to you, at least it did to me. At the time of discovering RR, as most couples, we thought that there was no way that adoption could ever happen. "Our house is too small, 60K in debt, Rob hated his job, my health wasn't good, Ragen deserved ALL of me, our school district for special needs isn't ideal...", the list of reasons why we couldn't fathom adopting was endless....but the burden of these children still weighed oh so heavily on me and it wasn't going away but becoming stronger and stronger with each passing day. As the year progressed, as we struggled financially each and every month, living pay check to pay check, Rob began to see the light at the end of the long tunnel that he had been in for 2 years...he finally made a huge sale and we were about to reap the benifits...FINALLY! We had been in our home for over 3 years and needing more room, finishing our basement was at the top of the list...you know, thinking about ourselves again! I wanted an adequate play room for Ragen and where I could do ABA therapy, a 4th bedroom/office for Rob and a place for his family to sleep when they visited, a 4th bathroom, and of course a family room for parties...cuz it's all about me and what I need and want! We had a contractor come over and write up a floor plan and give us an estimate so we could get started at the first of the year. About a month or so after that initial meeting, I was on my way home from the grocery store. As I was sitting at a stop light about 3 minutes from home, I got slapped upside the head hard, God hit me with a brick, "What could I possibly be thinking!! Finish a basement or save a life?????!" This was the day that God revealed to me MY PURPOSE. As hard as the human, worldly side of me didn't want to give up my precious basement, I knew what I had to do. I got home and yelled up to Rob who was working in his office, I told him that the basement was off, that we had to take a leap of faith, it was time to commit to a child on RR. After a couple minutes of talking, my husband looked at me and told me that he had never loved me more than he did now, he loved the woman I was becoming. When I say this was a leap of faith, and I know that most or even all adopting families would agree with this description of moving forward to adopting a child, it was truly a leap of faith...we had no money accept the money to commit to a child and pay for the homestudy, but no money to pay for the adoption, and really no way of fund raising other than ask people for donations, and I was NOT comfortable with asking for money without giving something in return, because that was the way the world works, right? So I have my dresses that I make and sell on line. Well that wasn't going to work, unless I wanted bloody stumps for fingers and have the TV raise my child, not an option. But we both thought that if God put this on us to do, He would provide! And oh my, HE HAS PROVIDED AND KEEPS PROVIDING! The blessings that we have been given along the way are astounding. The people that have stepped up and given just even $5, it's all added up. I remember thinking when we began this process that our church would be a great resource....it's one of the largest churches in the world...why of course it would be a great resource, if not the best resource! Well, when I asked our pastor and compassion's ministry pastor for help, they had told me that the church couldn't help us other than prayer. Our church is so large and they are doing God's work in a global capacity, with over 15,000 attendees on one Sunday morning, with all the individual causes that there are within the church, they couldn't quite possibly help everyone, otherwise they wouldn't have the money to help in the global capacity that they are called to do. Although Rob and I understood that, we had a hard time with it, major disappointment to say the least. But we respected the decision and had to move on and find other avenues to raise the money for our adoption. I post my cause and plea for Melanie on Facebook several times a day, my pride has gone out the window...this is not about me, it's about an orphan whose life needs saving. I'm so blessed to have the friends that I have made on FB, the endless support, the reposting of our donation link, the home businesses that some have offered their proceeds from to our funds, and the donations, even if it's been just $5, it has all added up, and I have appreciated every single cent. The money was coming in, but very slowly, so of course we were getting a little nervous, wondering if this was what God really wanted us to do. Shortly before Christmas, we had gotten some pretty large donations and from unexpected places and I know my own family has donated, though they are adament about being anonymous (they are very humble & private people). I remember in the beginning of the process, Andrea from RR telling me that Christmas would be a great time to raise the money. I was beginning to believe it! A couple weeks before Christmas we were a little over $13,000. We stayed there for 2 weeks. New Years Day, I got an email from Michelle the donations coordinator from RR telling me that we had received a $5000 donation on New Years Eve. I read that, re read it and re read it, the email came at 1:00 am, I woke Rob up to tell him. I was thrilled to pieces!! Although donations are anonymous, I did ask Michelle if she could tell me who it was from. Low and behold, the largest donation we had ever had came from someone we don't know, but it was someone from our church!!! So even though we were so disappointed that we coudn't solicit help from our church, the one donation that really put us in a very comfortable place came from our church anyway!!!! That was God doin His thing! I was so excited the next day, I was just reeling! As Rob and I were on our way to church for Kirk Franklin concert the next day, I called my mom to tell her the good news. My mother had spent New Years Eve with Rob and I just hanging out playing games and talking. When I called her to tell her the good news, for some reason it prompted her to tell me something that I had been waiting to hear from her for easily over 30 years. Something that I had lived with almost all my life, a burden that no child would ever want to live with, the burden of thinking I was never wanted. My mother and father divorced when I was 13. Their relationship was not good, I could never remember them being happy. I remember being told that when I was born, my mother went to work, I was told that she didn't want to be around me. But that wasn't true, she just didn't have a healthy relationship with my father and after raising 3 other daughters that were all 8+ years older than me, by the time I came along, she needed to get out of the house for her own mental health, it had nothing to do with me. We joked about this on New Years Eve, talking about how I was an accident, I wasn't really wanted (I was joking about it, even though deep down in my heart, it hurt me all my life, but at 41 years old, what are you gonna do? You just try to move on). When I called my mother to tell her this news about the $5000 donation, she got silent, I could tell she was about to cry (she is NOT a crier or emotional at all, neither am I, but God is changing that in me too). She mentions our conversation the previous night, about me not being wanted, she then starts to cry and says that that wasn't true, SHE DID WANT ME!!!! I lost my mind! The tears were endless!! I couldn't believe that after 30 years of thinking I was a mistake, I was being told by the only person that could convince me otherwise that it wasn't true! I felt a 3000 lb weight that I know I carried around with me lift from my shoulders almost immediately, because a mother's love is so very powerful even after 41 years. I felt lighter, I felt free. Finally. I know my relationship with my mother is changing and evolving to be the relationship that God wants for both me and her. A relationship that I've always wanted with her! Why did this happen? Why now? God was timing this perfectly. I am about to become a mother again, I am giving of myself and finally taking the focus off of me, it was time to be set free from the chains of thinking I didn't belong on this earth. I found my purpose, I know why I'm here, I know I can make a difference in this world. God is changing me because I see it now and so do others, especially my mom. So not only have I been freed from chains and shackles that I've carried around most of my life since this whole adoption process began, but Rob was also freed from shackles and chains that he was carrying around too in his professional life. He was working in a very unhealthy environment for 2 years and needed so desperately to get out. Although he was afraid to start investigating other job opportunities thinking that there wouldn't be any that would fit. Not only did he find opportunities, but he had 3 job offers on the table within a month! He has begun a new job January 3, and is so exicited! My health is so much better, FINALLY found a wonderful doctor that has been working with me AND, the 60K credit card debt that we had, will be gone in a couple months!! These are the things that can happen when you take a leap of faith. I'm not saying that life will be perfect, but I am saying that God will help you through it and he will provide somehow someway. People often say that they wish they were rich or they would win the lottery. I don't. If you had all the riches in the world, God wouldn't be able to touch as many people. God wouldn't be able to provide the way He does. God wouldn't be able to work in as many people's hearts the way He does. And the heart of a person is what matters most. If we all take the focus off ourselves (which is always a work in progress!) when we are searching for the next 'feel good', give of yourself til it hurts, you will feel more fulfillment than you could have ever imagined...God's blessings are far beyond our comprehension....

I am not sure what God has in store for us...but I believe Ragen was the beginning and Melanie is part of a bigger picture...it is slowly being revealed.

I am changing...I like this new person...all because of The 21st Chromosome....A Blessing in Disguise

KISSES IN THE WIND...A waiting child's lullabye


I hold you in my heart and touch you in my dreams.
You are here each day with me, or at least that's how it seems.

I know you wonder where we are...what's taking us so long?
But remember child, I love you so and God will keep you strong.

Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin.
Because tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God hold you in His hand until I can be with you.
I promise you my darling, I'm doing all that I can do.

Very soon you'll have a family for real, not just pretend.
But for tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight.
And let the angels bring you kisses that I send to you each night.

The Rising Moon (to Melanie)

As the moon begins to rise

I catch a glimpse of almond eyes

Staring back from outer space

The moon reflects your loving face.

My heart begins to yearn for you

A love down deep that grows so true

I see the moon throughout the night

My dreams of you are taking flight.

So when you look upon the moon

Please know that we will be there soon

I pray reflected in its light

Will be our love for you this night.

The moon must now complete its course

Let’s not regret and show remorse

It soon will rise and start anew

Reflecting love meant just for you.

Author unknown

That time of year is approaching...for most of us it's a time for parties, giving gifts, decorating our homes, buying that special dress or outfit to wear to church or that once-a-year holiday family photo, cozying up to fireplaces on cold winter nights with our significant others, drinking hot chocolate, making snow angels and having snowball fights, opening up presents, indulging in enormous amounts of food from old family recipes, thinking of where we will all ring in the new year...this is a wonderful time of year for most of us...but not for Melanie and all the other children like her. You see, Melanie lives in an orphanage in Eastern Europe. Melanie was born with Down Syndrome and has been deemed as inperfect and placed in an orphanage to be hidden away from society. Most children born with Down Syndrome in Eastern Europe are killed at birth and if not, they are thrown away in orphanages. "IF" they are lucky, they will stay there in the orphanage with the hope and prayer that a loving forever family will adopt them...but this does not happen to most. Most live their days in an orphanage until they turn 4. At that time they are placed in mental institutions where 85% die within the first year....alone...they die never having a mommy or daddy to hold and love them. It is an outrageous tragedy! Melanie can potentially be one of these children. She also is in need of medical care. She needs heart and intestinal surgery...she needs to come to the United States...she needs us. You can help us bring her home. So while you are preparing for one of the most celebrated times of the year, sitting in the drive thru of a Starbucks for the 4th time that week or deciding where to take the kids for dinner for your 'weekly' eating out excursion, maybe you can find it in your heart to think of my Melanie (and others just like her) and think where she will spend her holiday this year, where she spends all her days with no one to buy her presents, take her out for ice cream or McDonalds, no one to hold her, to love her like a mommy and daddy do, to kiss her boo boos, and make the boogie man go away at night. Please help us change this. My husband and I are adopting this precious angel. We are trying to raise the money to do so, which will be the only obstacle...but a very large one! We need $24,000 by February...won't you please consider donating?

All donations are 100% tax deductable. You can contribute using the 'chip-in' button on the upper right side of this blog or you can click on the link below to see how you can make a difference and save a little girls life, literally....

http://reecesrainbow.org/sponsorsader

If you choose to send a check to Reece's Rainbow, be sure to write our names (Sader/Melanie) in the memo section of your check, or attach a note. If you choose to make a donation via paypal, be sure to write in the message section of the transaction our name: (Sader/Melanie)

Thank you sooo much and God Bless You all!

"Once our eyes are opened, We can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act." Proverbs 24:12

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." Matthew 25:40

It's been quite a while since my last post...I'm not very good at this!! Obviously! But I better get better since we have officially begun our adoption process! YAY!! We've actually started the process, but today we are officially taking donations to adopt 'Melanie'. It's going to be a long road, but hopefully a smooth one. Paperwork upon paperwork, hoping a praying that 'rules' don't change along the way, that 'things' don't get lost, and that we are seen as sane and fit! LOL! The last part I really don't worry about! LOL! I'm so excited to begin this journey, to share our story, to see God work in our lives...this will be all for His glory as this story unfolds and we see His hand in it all! To think we may be a family of 4 hopefully by next Christmas...makes my heart well up! I look back on my life, I think of my earlier adult years and remember how I never really wanted children, it wasn't a priority, if I did, then fine, if I didn't, that was ok too...and now look at me, look at how God has changed my heart...He's turned it upside down and inside out!!! I have a gorgeous little girl who I'm CRAZY about...REALLY!...and now I want more! I visit the Reece's Rainbow site regularly (daily) and I want them all!! I realize that's not possible, but to have more than one child with disabilities is not impossible at all...with God we can do anything. I think of where my heart once was, and I know where it is today, and that in itself is a miracle! So I am, along with my husband (I will speak for him as we have talked about this many times, he probably more than me), looking so forward to our future, to see what God has in store for us and we feel in all our hearts that this may not very well be the end...Melanie may only be the beginning.

Down Syndrome Awareness

Ragen favorites at OneTrueMedia.com

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

If before you were born, I could have gone to Heaven and saw all the beautiful souls, I still would have chosen you. If God had told me, "this soul will one day need extra care and needs" I still would have chosen you. If He had told me, "that one day this soul may make my heart bleed" I still would have chosen you. If He had told me, "this soul would make me question the depth of my faith" I still would have chosen you. If He had told me, "this soul would one day make tears flow from my eyes that would overflow a river" I still would have chosen you. If He had told me, "our time spent together here on earth could be short" I still would have chosen you. If He had told me, "this soul may one day make me witness overbearing suffering" I still would have chosen you. If He had told me, "all that you know to be normal will drastically change" I still would have chosen you. Of course, even though I would have chosen you, I know it was God who chose me for you. Thank you God for letting me be her mommy! ~Author Unknown

So the other day Ragen was upstairs playing in her room by herself. I went to check on her and she decided to escort me out and slam the door in my face...she's only 3 1/2 years old going on 15!! The things I did in my teenage years are coming back to haunt me already!!

Had a first yesterday...Rob was feeding Ragen lunch and asked her where Mommy was...she pointed to me and said "Mommy". I was so thrilled! I've been waiting soooo long for her to know and call me Mommy...it's the little things. Something so many mother's take for granted and to hear those words that took so long to come...almost 4 years now...ahhhhh!!

Wow...so I guess it's been a while since my last post! So much has happened, I don't even know where to begin! I guess the short of it would be, Ragen is doing well and has been healthy for the better part of the summer so far! YAY! Except for one ear tube surgery and a possible Mastoidectomy, but we have to discuss that when she sees her ENT in a couple weeks. I'd hate for her to go through such an evasive surgery, but if it will help her in the long run and help her with all her sicknesses, than I'm all for it. She has the best ENT in Chicago, Rob and I trust his judgement. We are only in the talking phase of this, so no definites yet. Rob's job is going well...praise the Lord. Although there are some serious changes going on with a lot of executives leaving, so he's a bit nervous, as anyone would be. He has a very serious pipeline of opportunities he's working on, so bringing on a totally new team of executives can be scary...introducing them to his customers, bringing them up to speed, and just getting used to their style of management and leadership. This is a serious test of his faith. We know that God will always provide, He has NEVER left our sides, not once. This is now an opportunity for Rob to grow in his faith when it comes to his professional life. He's getting there, but always a work in progress. I guess that's the way God works and that's the beauty of not being perfect...we always need God. As for me, I've started a new business...you can see the badge on my blog...Ragen Lynn Inspirations. I've started a line of tutu dresses and seems to be going well. I've been needing an outlet for my creative side...and something "just for me"...and this seems to be fitting the bill, AND I can make a little money on the side, which is always good, especially with all the medical bills that seem to be piling up and not going away any time soon. I'm in the process of working with someone to develop a website, but for now I'm just selling privately and through Facebook. The website will be up and running by the end of July. There is a story behind the reason why I started making these dresses, a story that Rob and I believe God has had His hand in all along. I will be telling the story in my "about us" section of my website...so watch out for it! Here is a sampling of a couple of the dresses I've made. These photos were taken yesterday compliments of a wonderful photographer, Carol Mellema from memoriesbycarol.com who we met through "Art through Inspiration" formerly "The Littlest Heroes Project". She managed to capture Ragen's personality perfectly! She is also going to photograph the rest of my dresses for my website....I can't wait!

What a crazy week. Nothing like jumping back into the swing of things after being out of town for some R & R. Ragen had an awesome Endocrinology appointment yesterday. Finally a doctor that isn't so "black and white", but thinks outside the box. A lot of changes are going to be happening in the treatment for thyroid disorders. Changes that need to happen SOON! But they're on their way, slow but sure. Ragen's Endocrinologist practices medicine the new way (it's actually the old way of treating hypothyroidism before Synthroid/"Syncrap" was created and Abbott labs decided it wanted to rob people blind...but the people are speaking loud and clear and they don't want Synthroid/Levothyroxine...it doesn't work!). So Ragen's doctor will be treating her appropriately...thank God! She doesn't need anymore issues! Ragen will be having her ear surgery tomorrow at 10:30 am at Loyola Hospital. I just pray and hope that they can figure out what is wrong with all these infections she's been having. She's just getting over another one this week! It's ridiculous! I'll be thankful when it's all over with and we will have some answers.

Take a minute and read this...beautiful, inspirational, magical, spiritual...

And to think this man does not have anyone in his life personally with DS...WOW!

He is also the same man that created the video posted above and has a new video on the way!

http://imdownwithyou.com/

Just got home from the emergency room. Rob and I were taking a leisurely stroll through Geneva, enjoying the beautiful weather, getting Ragen out and about to hopefully help her forget how bad she's been feeling these past few days...stopped to have a glass of wine outdoors at a restaurant, started to see little red bumps appearing all over Ragen's arms, feet, legs and mouth. I opened her mouth to look inside and it was full of red and white bumps. Needless to say, we didn't stick around. Went to the emergency room thinking it was the measles, low and behold, she has Hands, Foot, and Mouth Disease along with her ear infection.....poor baby! Not much we can do for her except the usual Motrin/Tylenol combo and a ton of fluid. They said she more than likely won't eat anything or drink much (although we have to push the fluids...using a syringe if we have to) because her mouth is just full of little sores, like canker sores...YUCK! Unlike most viruses, this one likes to stick around for 7-10 days...Prayers for a quick recovery. I just want my baby girl to feel good for more than a week!!!

Feeling very frustrated and defeated this morning. We took Ragen to see her ENT yesterday to see what's going on with her ears and all these ear infections. He looked inside and said everything looked fine, they tested her ear tubes to make sure they were open and all was fine. He said if she got another ear infection she will need another surgery to see what's going on, so all was good....we thought....

Woke up this morning and her ears are full of puss and brown, thick, sticky gunk! She is in pain and viola, another ear infection. Here goes ear surgery #5....

Well it's the second to the last day of school for Ragen. Rob and I are heading over to the school to watch her swim. They are inviting all the parents for the last day of swimming to come watch the kids. Of course we will take lots of pictures and video! We can't have too much documented as a proud mamma and pappa of a gorgeous girl! Rob will be taking me to Denver on a business trip next Tuesday (it's FREE! Free is good right now!) and I'm really anxious. Ragen has AT LAST really bonded to me. I've waited a long 3 1/2 years for her to connect and bond to me as her mom and VIP. So it's finally happened. She lights up when I come into the room and gets really excited. She walks fast (can't run just yet...only started walking a few months ago) towards me when she sees me. She reaches up for me to pick her up all throughout the day and just the other day she said "Hi Mamma"...Oh how I've longed to hear those invaluable words! My heart is overjoyed and full! But now I am left with a pit in my stomach thinking of her not having me around next week and me not having her around...her and I are two peas in a pod and I want to cherish every moment. She will be in good hands, I do not worry about that...I just have the fear that every mom and dad to a child with autism have...will she forget me and regress?? I guess I can't win. I can't take a break, and I can't be without my girl...

Ragen had her first Special Olympic program at school today...it was a terrific experience...these are the moments that parents live for! Ragen carried the torch for the opening ceremonies, with a little help of course! We were so proud! I couldn't help but shed a tear along with another one of Ragen's classmate's moms who rushed up to congratulate me while making the comment, "why did I wear make-up this morning!?" as we were both in tears with pride for our kids. These kids work so hard at what you and I (and most people) would seem so miniscule...again, my eyes have been open to another world and my heart has soon followed...what a wonderful world having Ragen has exposed me to! I'm also in such awe at how hard the teachers, therapists, and aides work day in and day out with these kids...they work even harder than the kids do. Just watching them this morning made me exhausted! Teachers are so often unappreciated, especially these teachers who work even harder than most. If only we could give them the recognition that we give actors and professional athletes...what a world this could be. It's all about the "world's" priorities...I'm looking forward to a world that has it's priorities in check. Ragen's teacher, her aides and therapists are the true athletes and real angels walking on earth.

Special Olympics Young Athletes 2010

Getting ready for one of our "firsts" this morning. Ragen has her first Special Olympic Young Athletes program at school today. We're so excited! I just received an email from her teacher stating that Ragen will be carrying the torch for the opening ceremonies...I can't wait! Rob and I will be one proud mamma and papa! I wish you all could come be a part of this with us. I'll be sure to take photos and video and publish them later this week. This is the kind of stuff that makes being a parent priceless!

Just got home from the orthodopedic doctor. Rude awakening...Ragen's custom AFO's are going to cost us $2500. Something we did not expect! They require all patients to pay up front because insurance companies are notorious for saying they will pay and then renig. Which is something Rob and I are currently going through with our insurance company not wanting to cover the cost of a stroller that they originally approved. Classic insurance company move! This is a major reason why we personally are becoming an obsolete middle class. We make too much money to qualify for any medical aide or government programs, but can't afford the constant co-pays, and what our insurance doesn't cover or decides not to pay. We are being swallowed up literally! I'm so frustrated and to think that Ragen's only 3 1/2...we have such a long way to go...I'm just sick about this..."God will provide, God will provide, God will provide...."